I Heard It On Shark Week

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a time when Shark Week was both entertaining and educational? These days, it seems like it's all about high definition closeup shots and slow motion videos of Great White feeding frenzies. As a matter of fact, you could probably count the number of non-Great White sharks they showed the whole week on one hand. I guess it's in keeping with the whole "History Made Every Day" scheme, wherein thought-provoking and informative programming is phased out in favor of ancient alien conspiracies and fat people selling shit.

Having said that, I cannot deny the fact that Shark Week offers some of the most entertaining TV of the year. Of course, the visuals are the main attraction, but this year I found myself chuckling at several of the interviews and voice-overs, so much so in fact that I was prompted to pull out my notebook (remember those?) and record a few of my favorite quotes:

"Colossus came in once, looked at RoboSeal and instantly took a liking to it -- took it out, chewed it to pieces, and unfortunately, that was the end of RoboSeal and our experiment."

"What happened to that - what happened to that whale?"
"It's like a crime scene. You have to solve it."

 "If we had that movie Jaws filmed from our boat, it would've been a 10-minute movie... It would've been dead really quick."

 "Angry over his loss, Al sets off to kill every shark he sees."

 "Her tremendous girth was obvious, but was she pregnant or had she just gorged on a whale?"