My 2012 Music Writings

There are several reasons why 2012 was a big year for me, not least of which are 1) I moved out of my parents' house -- those are my records all crated up on the living room floor the night before my departure -- and 2) at the urging of my friends Chris, Cliff and a few others, I started writing about music for a few websites, namely the t.r.o.y. blog and Tiny Mix Tapes (so far for their Delorean Blog mostly). It's been much more fun than I'd expected, definitely improved my critical listening skills, and for better or worse, made me feel less guilty about slacking off when it comes to my other writing habits.

In case you haven't been following my work and would like to, here's a list of some music posts I did this year, from a little video biography piece that got me going back in April to a 3,000-word year-in-summary article that went up a week ago. The pieces I enjoyed writing (and reading) most are emboldened, so if you only want to check out a few, I suggest reading those (unless of course you're not really into hip-hop, in which case check out the Blue Oyster Cult, Bonniwell Music Machine and/or Lee 'Scratch' Perry posts).

Bobby Digital in Video for the t.r.o.y. blog
The Digital Revolution: A Critical Analysis of RZA as Bobby Digital In Stereo for the t.r.o.y. blog
on Blue Oyster Cult's Secret Treaties for DELOREAN
on Scaramanga's Seven Eyes Seven Horns for DELOREAN
on Lee 'Scratch' Perry's The Return of Pipecock Jackxon for DELOREAN
Schoolly D Instrumentals 101 for the t.r.o.y. blog
on Schoolly D's Welcome To America for DELOREAN
on The Bonniwell Music Macine for DELOREAN
on LoDeck and Omega One's Postcards From The Third Rock for DELOREAN
Synthesis, Synchronicity and Singularity: How Three of Hip-Hop's Most Ingenious Independents Helped Make 2012 a Year to Remember, a feature for Tiny Mix Tapes

Now then, if you're feeling my aspiring contributions to the canon of 2012 music writing, I'd sincerely appreciate you heading over to the Best Music Writing Ballot and including some of my work among your nominations. It looks like you can vote for up to 15 pieces. Short of doing all that -- actually, I'm not even sure if that whole contest is still up and running; it looks like it might be defunct, but voting anyway can't hurt -- I also wouldn't mind if you were to pass these joints on to your friends, bandmates, lovers, colleagues, or whomever you think might dig 'em. In fact, I hear that this is how writers lacking agents and publishing houses get their work out there.

I Heard It On Shark Week

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a time when Shark Week was both entertaining and educational? These days, it seems like it's all about high definition closeup shots and slow motion videos of Great White feeding frenzies. As a matter of fact, you could probably count the number of non-Great White sharks they showed the whole week on one hand. I guess it's in keeping with the whole "History Made Every Day" scheme, wherein thought-provoking and informative programming is phased out in favor of ancient alien conspiracies and fat people selling shit.

Having said that, I cannot deny the fact that Shark Week offers some of the most entertaining TV of the year. Of course, the visuals are the main attraction, but this year I found myself chuckling at several of the interviews and voice-overs, so much so in fact that I was prompted to pull out my notebook (remember those?) and record a few of my favorite quotes:

"Colossus came in once, looked at RoboSeal and instantly took a liking to it -- took it out, chewed it to pieces, and unfortunately, that was the end of RoboSeal and our experiment."

"What happened to that - what happened to that whale?"
"It's like a crime scene. You have to solve it."

 "If we had that movie Jaws filmed from our boat, it would've been a 10-minute movie... It would've been dead really quick."

 "Angry over his loss, Al sets off to kill every shark he sees."

 "Her tremendous girth was obvious, but was she pregnant or had she just gorged on a whale?"

My Review of That New HBO Show

As lifted from my facebook page:

Contrary to her own ridiculously self-righteous opinion of herself, Lena Dunham is not the voice of our generation. She is a spoiled art world brat who became famous by portraying a spoiled art world brat on film. This has nothing to do with what is going on in the country or the world right now, and the idea that we as a generation will be remembered for aspiring to this sort of character type is absolute poppycock. In conclusion, Girls is going to be a huge show and I hate you all for watching it.

This is Reality

Don't believe me? Pinch yourself.

Still here? Good.

In the past 30 days, Oakland police officers have caused the hospitalization of not one but two Iraq war veterans who did no more than exercise their First Amendment right to peaceably assemble. The first was hit in the head with a teargas canister; the second, Kayvan Sabeghi, was struck repeatedly with batons. By all accounts, these men were nonviolent demonstrators. At worst, they were engaged in acts of civil disobedience, refusing officers’ commands to move, vacate the streets or fall back.

To where do you fall back when you’re up against a wall?

Last night, another kind of protest occurred. After Penn State University officials announced the firing of head football coach, Joe Paterno, a raucous protest erupted in State College, Pa. A news van was tipped over, a lamppost was brought down; private and public property was destroyed because a man who failed to report an incident of child molestation to the police wouldn’t be able to finish out the season as head coach. I’ve got news for the Penn State student body and anyone else who takes offense to Paterno’s dismissal. The man shouldn’t have been allowed to finish any of the last 10 seasons.

The NY Times reports: “A grand jury said that Mr. Spanier, the university’s president since 1995, was made aware of a report of an incident involving Mr. Sandusky. Upon learning about a suspected 2002 assault by Mr. Sandusky on a young boy in the football building’s showers, Mr. Paterno redirected the graduate assistant who witnessed the incident to the athletic director, rather than notifying the police.”

What did Paterno have to say about all this, about his former colleague allegedly fucking eight boys, about his own failure to direct the graduate assistant to go to the police?

“It is one of the great sorrows of my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more.”

The benefit of hindsight? Are you fucking kidding me?

OK, so let’s give Mr. Paterno the benefit of the doubt. Let’s say all he heard was that something disturbing, possibly of a sexual nature, had been witnessed. What else could that be? Rape? Incest? Why would you have the witness go to another school official instead of the police?

Pinch yourself.

Opposing government corruption and a flawed socioeconomic system that feeds on the suffering of the poor and disenfranchised will land you in the ICU with a fractured skull or a lacerated spleen, or maybe just in jail if you’re lucky. Failing to report to the police that your colleague fucks children will cost you your job, nothing more. You won’t be arrested. Au contraire, your decades of service as a football coach will be honored with a support-rally-turned-riot. Better yet, you'll be made out to be the real victim in all this. How’s that for school spirit?

Still here? Good.

Graham B. Spanier, the other man who lost his lob over this incident, just so happened to be one of the longest-serving and highest-paid university presidents in the nation. Take that for what it’s worth.

This is reality.

Lee "Scratch" Perry's Words of Wisdom

On September 10th I had the great pleasure of seeing dub legend Lee "Scratch" Perry perform live at B.B. King's in NYC. Everything about the show was absolutely incredible, including the simultaneously hilarious and illuminating proclamations Mr. Perry made between songs. Here are a few that I was sure to remember...

Disclaimer: Lee Perry is a 75-year-old black Jamaican. I am a 26-year-old white American. Needless to say, there may be some minor discrepancies between what I heard and what was actually said. Nevertheless, I'm fairly certain that most of these quotes -- with the possible exception of the last one, which was the final phrase he uttered before exiting the stage -- are accurate.

"Stress, thou be gone. Problems, they be gone."

"There will be no one to save the government from their sins. There will be no one to save the government from their crimes."

"I don't drink alcohol anymore, I don't smoke anymore. The only thing I have to keep me happy is craziness."

"Why you not dream of me? Jesus not coming back. He send me."

"Love your shit and get rich. Goodnight."

T-Bell Complaint Letter

If you agree with the following then let your voice be heard.
Together we can make a difference.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing today as a faithful, long-time customer who has stuck with your brand through thick and thin, from scattered rat feces findings to widespread E. coli claims, from slight tummy aches to… well, you get the idea. For more than 20 years I have been loyal to your brand and proud to call your stores my preferred venue for fast-food consumption. However, recent menu changes have caused me to question my loyalties. Allow me to elaborate:

As true fans and master feasters, my friends and I have often marveled at Taco Bell’s new and incredible limited-time-only menu additions; and as these ephemeral items vanish we’ll become very disappointed (i.e. the Shrimp Taco), only to become equally delighted by the seemingly permanent addition of another exciting innovation (i.e. the Crispy Potato Soft Taco). To my tastes, the aforementioned tacos exemplify the sheer genius that is the mix-and-match process behind your brand’s culinary creativity: familiar ingredients used differently – always simple yet simply delicious.

Though I’ve made many a repeat order at your company’s fine establishments, I remain open to change and so I approach every new dish with an open mind and a clear palate. That being said, my absolute favorite Taco Bell creation has always been the Grilled Stuft Burrito with Chicken, so it was with great distress and disappointment that I took the news that this item was to be replaced by the decadent XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito. Unfortunately, my dissatisfaction was multiplied a hundred times over when I actually tasted this dreadful replacement. The problem lies not in the size (this is America – the bigger the better); the problem lies in the replacement of the traditional Grilled Stuft Burrito sauce with a combination of sour cream and guacamole. This would-be blending of the Grilled Stuffed Burrito with the 7-Layer Burrito seems like a sound idea on the surface but the quality of the sum, I’m sad to say, is lesser than that of its parts; much, much lesser.

I recognize that mine is only one opinion, however, it is one I have heard echoed on numerous occasions. The word is out: the XXL experiment is a failure. You should know that my patronage has decreased significantly since the disappearance of the original, true Grilled Stuft Burrito. And if this item does not return promptly, I might not either. Again, I realize I am only one customer, but consider that there was a time when I ate your food as often as every other day and I suspect you will begin to understand the gravity of my departure.

I leave you for now with this suggestion:
Forget the cream, forget the guac. Bring back the sauce.

Most Sincerely,
Samuel Diamond